Green Eyes
by SunRei
Summary: Lois and Clark are good together... except when they aren't. This short series takes a look at the stages of a changing relationship. Set to the tune of Green Eyes by Erykah Badu.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N_: Okay, I am sorry to start with a note, but this is important to the context of the story... 

As a rule, I don't do songfics- and I rarely, if ever, read them becuase I don't like it when passages threaten to pull me out of the prose world, and sometimes, blocks of lyrics tend to do that. That said, this is a songfic - written to _Green Eyes_ by Erykah Badu, but to avoid my own pet peeve, I am writing this in parts. This song tells a story of it's own, amazingly enough, in parts- and it is this fact that pulled me into writing a story to it in the first place. The song itself is quite interesting- the music and melody changes with each 'Movement' - you will see what I mean. I love the song (read: addicted), and it was begging to be written to, so sigh I gave in. Once this is finished, I will finally be able to take the CD off of repeat-track mode in my car... I hope.

The story is broken down to match with the different parts of the song - Go to the media section of my homepage if you want to hear those parts as we go. I would suggest listening to the music as you read the lyrics before heading into the story because it is the mood setter, but whatever method that works for you, works for me. Look at me- trying to be all interactive and stuff!

BTW- I wrote this as a birthday fic to me, lol. Nothing like a self-imposed challenge to open a new year of life, right?

Anyway... enjoy.  
...

**Green Eyes**  
Movement I: Denial

...  
_My eyes are green  
Cuz I eat a lot of vegetables  
it don't have nothing to do  
with your new friend_

_My eyes are green  
Cuz I eat a lot of vegetables  
it don't have nothing to do  
with your new friend_

_I don't care, I swear  
I'm too through with you, I am  
You don't mean nothing, to me  
So go ahead and be with your friend_

_My eyes are green  
Cuz I eats a lot of vegetables  
it don't have nothing to do  
with your new friend _  
…..

"Hey."

Lois's hand halted in mid-air just as she was pulling the pint of ice cream from the Grocery freezer. Letting the door shut, she dropped the item into her hand-basket and turned to face the owner of the voice that had addressed her. "Hey, yourself."

"So… How are you?"

Lois allowed a small smile to pull at her lips. This was awkward. "I'm good. Great, actually," she replied with gusto.

"Yeah, me too," Clark returned. "Great."

Lois watched his eyes. She could tell that he wanted to say something else, but was having trouble getting it out. She couldn't stand awkward silence. "So… you're shopping?"

Clark nodded and grinned at her observation. "That's what grocery stores are for, right?"

And with the banter filling the gap, Lois knew whatever he had been going to say was safely tucked back in the dark recesses of his mind. Good.

"Well you're either doing that or scoping out for hot single chicks," she quipped. "Or, at least that's what I hear guys say their main reason for going to the grocery store is."

She saw Clark's smile fade. "Well, I…"

"Clark! There you are! Did you get the ice cream?"

Lois turned to see a tall dark-haired woman walking toward them with a wide smile. When the woman reached them, she handed Clark a hand basket. Arching an eyebrow at Clark, Lois waited to be introduced. When that didn't seem to be happening any time soon, Lois extended a hand.

"Hi, I'm Lois Lane."

The woman returned her handshake with an impressively firm grip and genuine smile. "Diana Prince."

Lois gestured toward the basket that Clark was holding. "Looks like you guys have a nice dinner planned."

Diana nodded. "Oh we do. Clark has this recipe for baked chicken breasts using Olive Oil and Red Wine that's absolutely amazing."

Lois held her smile. She knew all about that dish. "Well that sounds really good," she commented, shifting her basket filled with frozen dinners slightly behind her and out of view. "I should go… I don't want my ice cream to melt."

"Oh, sure. Of course," Diana replied, tilting her head to the side a little.

Lois saw her glance at Clark questioningly. He had yet to say a word in her presence.

He cleared his throat and moved the basket that he was holding to his other hand. "Lois… Listen…"

"It's okay, Clark. You guys enjoy your meal," Lois said. "It was very nice meeting you, Diana."

"Thank you, Lois. It was nice to meet you too."

Lois exchanged a final glance at Clark. He had that hand-in-the-cookie jar look that she was so tired of seeing on him. It was really too late for him to want to look chagrined about the situation. She was fine.

"See you later, Lois," he finally said, breaking off their silent communiqué.

"Yeah," she answered. "See you around."

"Like hell," she scoffed under her breath as she walked away, refusing to give into the urge of looking back. Lois knew that their farewells were false. Neither one of them wanted to see the other anytime soon.

Lois closed her eyes briefly as she swiped the back of her arm across her brow to keep sweat from dripping into her eyes. When she had returned to her apartment after leaving the supermarket, she had decided that she wasn't hungry after all. Tossing the frozen goods into the freezer, she had exchanged nutrition for fitness and gone out for a run.

"Oof," she grunted as her forward motion halted in the chest of another runner.

"Whoa, I say, whoa now."

Lois blinked and forced a smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to… Sebastian?"

"In the flesh," the sandy-brown haired alpha male replied. "Where's the fire?"

"In my head," Lois muttered softly, starting to jog in place to keep her heart rate up. It was also meant to be an indication that she was ready to continue her exercise. "I'm really sorry about that. I wasn't paying attention."

"Nothing to be sorry about. It actually plays in my favor," Sebastian said, the easy grin making an appearance.

"You like getting run over by distracted joggers?" she asked, finding it hard not to return his smile.

"Not when my attacker is as beautiful as you are."

The smile slipped from her face as if someone had flicked off a light switch. She tried to cover her reaction by immediately curling her mouth into a smirk, but she could tell that Sebastian had seen the flicker.

His brow creased slightly as he shrugged. "I mean, I just figured that… Since you haven't been…" He sighed. "Awkward, huh?"

Lois mentally shook herself. This wasn't awkward - it was stupid. "No," she said with a laugh. "Just unexpected."

Sebastian released a relieved sigh. "Good. I'm glad everything's okay."

And it was, Lois thought to herself. _He_ was fine, and so was she. She could care less about his new friend… "Everything is great," she amended.

Sebastian nodded. "You want to do something tomorrow night?"

There was no flicker this time. "Tomorrow? Uh…"

"Wait. Don't answer that yet," Sebastian interrupted. "Check your schedule - make sure you haven't planned on washing your hair or doing laundry or something mundane like that – and give me a call."

Lois chuckled and arched an eyebrow. "What makes you think I still have your number?"

Sebastian ducked his head in a show of bashfulness. "Maybe, because I still have yours?" He shot her the killer grin again and moved to go around her on the path, turning so that he would be able to see her as he backed away. "Talk to you soon?"

Lois's mind flashed to her freezer full of frozen entrées. "Maybe," she answered over her shoulder as she restarted her evening run.

...  
_tbc_


	2. Chapter 2

...  
**Green Eyes**  
Movement II: Disorientation

...

_I'm insecure, but I can't help it  
My mind says move on  
my heart lags behind  
But I don't love you anymore  
(I'm so insecure)  
Never knew that love did this_

I can't remember the last time I felt this way  
about somebody  
you've done something to my mind  
and I can't control it  
But I don't love you any more  
(yes I do I think)  
loving you is wrong

I'm so confused  
you tried to trick me, yeah 

...

Lois sat in front of the mirror daring the girl in the looking glass to come out and play. Right now, that girl was Lois's only confidant. She realized that now.

Earlier, she had reached out on her line of people who she trusted with her heart and had come up short. Not short in the sense that there were no names she could call on… but short in the sense that none of those were names she could call on in this particular instance. It was the visit to Martha Kent's office that made it crystal clear.

She had gone in with the intention of laying it all out for her semi-adopted mother – giving her the rundown of the situation and allowing her to sooth Lois's ruffled nerves and emotions with sage advice... but _he_ had been there.

Damnit if he wasn't everywhere she wanted to be and everywhere she didn't want to see him.

But she realized that it was a terrible position to put someone else in – that airless space between a rock and a hard place – and that was just where she would have been putting Martha Kent. Right smack dab in the middle of Lois, aka Rock, and Clark, aka Hard Place. It wouldn't have been fair.

That was also why she didn't want to involve her cousin… but it wasn't the only reason. There was some underlying tension that had crept into Lois's relationship with Chloe that she couldn't seem to pinpoint. Well, that wasn't entirely true… Lois could pinpoint it if she really had to. Lois wanted to believe that it was a blessing to have talent, but did that mean that it could also be a curse? Chloe seemed to think so. There was nothing Lois could do to convince her little cousin that she wasn't purposely trying to take over her life and aspirations. Getting closer to Clark had just been the proverbial icing on the proverbial cake.

Lois didn't want to take her feelings to Chloe because it would be essentially placing her in the middle of an amicably hostile breakup. Yes, that was part of it. The other part of it was that Lois was afraid that Chloe might find some pleasure in the circumstances.

Lois blinked and shook her head at her reflection. It wasn't right to have those thoughts about her cousin. Nevertheless, she just wasn't in the mood to test the theory.

The truth was that she wasn't in the mood for anything that would attack the carefully erected mask she was wearing - the mask that had "I am fine" tattooed across the forehead. A mask she needed because the truth was… she wasn't fine. Not even close.

Lois didn't know when she had turned into the girl staring back at her. She had gone through breakups before – hell, she had initiated some, been on the receiving end of some, and had endured some forced upon her by external influences (named Sam Lane), but this was the first time she felt like this.

Just when she had thought herself to be worthy of a nice guy… he'd proven her wrong. And now she was feeling like she was drowning and couldn't figure out which way led up to the surface. She hated that feeling.

Did she deserve a nice guy like Clark Kent? Was he even the nice guy she gave him credit for being? There was something about him that wasn't clear. Why, when things had seemed to be going so well - why did he feel the need to break her heart?

Lois lowered her head to her arms with a slight thud. She had just admitted it. The only way someone could break your heart was if you gave it to them.

"How could I have done that?" she groaned to the air. Her heart was hers to have, to hold, and to protect. If Clark had been able to ease it from her iron grip… he must have put a spell on her.

Lois ignored the look her conscious gave her at that last thought.

"That's exactly what it was. Magic," she stated aloud, finding it was easier to drown out the objections 'on basis of insane reasoning' from her mind when she talked over them.

Lifting her head with defiance, Lois arched an eyebrow and eyed her reflection gravely. "Clark Kent has powers."

Then she burst into laughter… because it sure beat crying.

She tried to think how things might have been different had Martha not been Clark's mother and had been able to counsel her.

Lois cleared her throat and smiled at the mirror. "You think Clark put a spell on you?" Lois asked in a higher voice than her own.

"It's the only thing that makes sense," Lois replied in her natural voice. "There's no way it would have gotten to this point otherwise."

"Gotten to what point?" FauxMartha asked.

Lois found that she couldn't answer. Dang it. She had backed her own self into a corner.

FauxMartha tried again. "Was it love?"

Lois thought about it, her brow creasing as she tried to go back to the beginning. When did the frenemies become friends? When did the friends become more? When did more become love?

When did love become not enough? When did _she_ become not enough?

"Was it love?" Lois repeated with a sigh. "Not anymore."

Neither she nor Clark had seen the changes. It was like the beginning of an avalanche where the first drops of snow were ignored. Light touches that eventually lead to a landslide… and everything gets consumed along the way.

"So you don't love him _anymore_?" FauxMartha queried, obviously having caught the gap in the last response.

Was it that simple? Could she turn off something that had slowly come to life on its own? Did the fact that _he_ could be so cavalier about his decision change how she felt?

"You can't heal until you acknowledge there's a hurt." Lois nodded at the statement. It was definitely a Martha-esque tenant of wisdom.

So, how _did_ she feel?

"Confused. Especially given the fact that I'm talking to myself in a mirror," Lois announced.

The bottom line was that the whole situation was making her waver between who she wanted to be and who she was seeing in the mirror. Lois Lane wasn't rocked by a man's declaration (or retraction) of love. Lois Lane had options. She had suitors, damnit.

She reached out and placed her hand on the phone, holding it there for a minute as she made her decision.

Finally she dialed the number and waited for the pickup. "…Hey, Sebastian - It's Lois. So, um, about tonight…"

...  
_tbc_


	3. Chapter 3

...  
**Green Eyes**  
Movement III: Impassioned

...

_Never knew that love could hurt like this  
Never thought I would but I got dissed  
Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside  
feel embarrassed so I want to hide  
Silly me I thought your love was true  
Changed my name to silly E-Badu  
Before I heal it's gonna be awhile  
i know it's gonna be awhile chile_

hope it's not too late  
too late too late too late too

feeling insecure, love has got me sore  
I don't want no more   
...

"Wait a minute. You turned down Sebastian Thorne for a night out with the girls?" Shelly asked incredulously.

Maxine nodded, holding up a drink for emphasis. "She did."

Lois rolled her eyes. "I couldn't think of one good reason to go out with someone who calls himself 'Bastian.'"

The petite auburn-haired woman to her left clicked her tongue. "I could give you two."

Lois laughed and shook her head. "Why am I not surprised with this coming from the girl who calls herself 'Kitt?' I'm just saying that some names should not have nicknames attached to them – 'Sebastian' being one of them."

Maxine simply raised a finely arched eyebrow. She had the looks of a model but hated to be compared to them, especially the one she looked most like - Tyra Banks. She couldn't bear any connection to someone who's greatest fear was of dolphins and giraffes. "You've been saying that name quite a bit tonight," she remarked.

"Only because you guys keep brining him up!" Lois replied.

"Better him then the farm boy that you so eloquently nicknamed Smallv…"

"Hold that thought!" Shelly interrupted; her jet black hair swinging against her shoulders as she shook her head. "If we are starting that conversation, we are going to need another round."

Shelly dashed away from their table in the direction of the bar and Kitt leaned forward. "_Are_ we starting that conversation?"

Lois shrugged. "I don't really see how it would benefit anything."

"It would mean not letting it stew," Maxine commented. "Isn't that why we came out tonight? To ix-nay on the ewage-stay?"

Lois shot her friend a glare. "I'd like to see you talk in pig latin after two more drinks."

"You're on, Lane."

Shelly returned with a male waiter trailing her with their drinks. "Cranberry Vodkas all around. Don't look at me like that, _you_ can choose when _you_ buy."

Shelly slid into her chair and smiled as the drinks were passed out. "This is Mitch. He's going to keep an eye on us tonight."

"Hey, Mitch." "Thanks, Mitch." "Thank you, Mitchell."

Maxine shot Lois an exasperated look as the barhop retreated.

"What?"

"You just had to call him by his full name didn't you?"

Lois smirked. "I would have needed to know his last name if I wanted to use his full name, _Maxie_."

Kitt waved a hand at their teasing. "Yeah, yeah. Enough with the nicknames. No one cares if 'Charlie' is not really short for 'Charles' since they have the same amount of letters, or who in the world came up with 'Dick' for 'Richard…'"

Shelly frowned. "Why would anyone want to go around saying 'Hi, I'm a Dick,' to people? It's such a turnoff."

Kitt's hand waved again. "No! We are not letting this convo be hijacked by Dick… or even Harry for that matter." She faced Lois. "We were talking about…"

"The Bastard," Lois interjected into the waiting silence. "There's a nickname that fits."

Her friends erupted into laughter at the outburst. "There it is," Shelly commented. "Let the party begin!"

…..

Lois looked on with amusement as her girls ranted about the nerve (or lack thereof) of her ex-boyfriend. She had told them the story of the breakup and they had run with it from there. Even though she had run out of steam a little earlier, it was somewhat therapeutic to hear them say all of the things she had been feeling. And the more they ranted, the more they drank, and the rounds just kept coming.

Except for Lois, that is. She had a good system going. She would sip some of her drink and while they were caught up in mid-rant, she would trade her full glass for one of her friends' empty ones. She would vary the receiver of the gift to avoid detection, but other than a minute flicker of confusion, they would just shrug and continue drinking.

She wasn't abstaining for any other reason than that she wanted this to burn. She needed to feel this. It would forever be a reminder of what happened when she released control of her heart. Even when people seemed the most deserving of her love, the truth remained that they were not. She was Master and Commander now, and she had to keep that responsibility forefront.

That was also why she had turned down Sebastian's offer of a night out. Using him to stroke her ego would have been easy. A good-looking guy who was obviously attracted to her would help her fight off the insecurity that seemed to be waiting for her around every corner, but he wasn't the guy she wanted. And _those_ were the feelings that she needed to deal with before she was ready for _any_ guy - Sebastian 'Bastian' Throne, or anyone else.

"For your protection?" Maxine stated. "I mean who says stuff like that when they are calling it quits? What is he, your guardian or something?"

"That is crap," Kitt said. "Crap with a double T."

Lois laughed. Even _she_ knew there was no T, and certainly not a double T, in crap.

"I know you didn't buy that, Lois," Shelly countered.

"I didn't, but who am I to try to convince a guy that he _doesn't_ want to break up with me?"

"Hells yeah!" Shelly agreed, the barest hint of a slur attached to her words. "You don' have to beg him for anythings. You don' need him to make you feel worthy."

"No, I just need him to make me feel worthless."

As three pairs of eyes bored into her furiously, Lois decided that she could allow herself one drink – it wouldn't be enough of a buzz to kill the burn, but it would give her hands something to do.

"Tell me you didn't just say that," Maxine said with a frown.

Kitt's face took on a mixture of surprise and empathic hurt. "You don't believe that, do you?"

Lois drummed her fingers along the side of the glass. "Of course I don't believe that! It just pisses me off that he would have something to do with me thinking that."

"Well, pissed off is the right way to feel right now," Shelly commented, obviously not wanting to lose the buzz they had worked so hard to build.

Lois knew that all of her friends were aware that if that layer of alcohol induced fogginess was removed; only pain would remain. At this point in the game, avoidance was the strategy.

"What exactly did he say to you?"

Lois released a short breath and lifted her chin, allowing the spark in her heart to reignite the fury that was helping her stay tearless. "Well there was this whole thing about us moving too fast, um, that it wasn't working out. A plethora of reasons, really."

But first he had said that he didn't love her anymore - that it had been a mistake to say it in the first place… and she had just stood there and took the rest in. Until, speechless, she had turned and left. And that was that.

Since then, she had been trying to convince herself that he was right, that his reasons made sense… even though they explained nothing.

"Wait." Kit's eyes narrowed. "Too fast? How long have you known each other? Like four or five years, right?"

"Five and a half," Lois replied. "But who's counting? The relationship part - if you can call it that - lasted for about a minute in comparison." It had lasted for about thirty-nine days, but again, who was counting?

"…flaming poo?"

Lois blinked as she realized she had missed a question while lost in thought. "Huh?"

"Kitt wanted to know if you want us to paint his doorstep," Maxine explained. "What do you think? Shall we go and do some remodeling on your behalf?"

Lois had a real laugh for the first time that night. And if felt good. Suddenly she realized that avoidance wasn't really the best strategy for closure. Confrontation was.

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I think I'll do it myself."

Her three friends nodded and laughed with her.

"That's more like it!" Maxine chuckled.

"Mitch! Mitchie! Mitchkins," Shelly called, seeing their trusty waiter leaving a table a few feet away. "Our friend here needs a cab!"

...  
_tbc_


	4. Chapter 4

...

**Green Eyes**  
Movement IV: Acquiescence

...

_It's too late_

I'm sorry I love you  
At first it was cool  
You told me you loved me too  
and then you lost your love  
oh then you lost your love  
and then you lost your love  
wanted me to go away but I can't, no  
see - I can't leave, it's too late  
I can't leave, it's too late  
I can't leave, it's too late  
I can't leave, it's too late

just make love to me  
just one more time  
and then you'll see  
I can't believe I made a desperate plea...  
what's with me?

see - I can't leave, it's too late  
I can't leave, it's too late  
don't you know  
I can't leave, its too late  
can't go no where, no, it's too late  
it's - too late  
It's - too late  
It's - too late  
It's…

c'mon, don't you want to be strong with me  
You told me we had a family  
Wanna run to mama when you're down and low  
But when times get tough, and there you go  
ooh, out the door you wanna run again  
open my arms and you come back in  
wanna run cuz you said that you were afraid  
now you're free, go  
Never knew what a friendship was  
Never knew how to really love  
You can't be what I need you to  
and I don't know why I fk with you

Yeah  
I know our love will never be the same  
but I can't stand these growing pains  
...

Lois's narrowed her eyes at the door when her second knock went unanswered. "Open the door, Clark. I know you're there," she said loudly. She had some kind of sixth sense when it came to him – she knew he was on the other side of the door.

When the door opened, she pushed past him without waiting to be invited. Once inside, she paused, accosted by the memories of the one-sided argument they'd had the last time she was there. She kept her back to him, struggling to maintain her sense of self, and looked around the room warily. She didn't know what she was looking for exactly- perhaps something, anything, that wouldn't remind her of happier times and make her miss them.

Unfortunately, the opposite was true- everything around her was familiar.

"Um, Diana's not here."

Lois shook her head and finally turned to face him. "Well, seeing as I didn't come to talk to her - forgive me if I'm not all that disappointed."

"You wanted to talk… to me?" Clark asked.

"Astonishing, huh?" Lois retorted wryly.

A sigh coming from Clark made Lois want to roll her eyes. If their non-verbals could be deemed a language, they would never have communication issues.

The silence continued to be deafening. Lois waited.

"Have you been drinking?"

That wasn't really the question Lois was expecting. "You expected me to self-destruct, didn't you?" She scoffed. "Typical."

He sighed again.

"I had _one_ drink, Clark. Am I off of the hay wagon?" To her chagrin, she sounded bitter.

Clark looked satisfyingly chastened. "Lois, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Didn't you?" she asked, tilting her head as she studied his face. "Because you had that whole list of things prepared to say, and that alone tells me you had it planned out before hand. Are you tying to tell me that in all that premeditation, you didn't think that I would be hurt?"

She shifted her scrutiny away from his face and waited for a response - she didn't expect him to have one. The guilt in his expression was answer enough.

In the taxi ride on the way over, she had tried to iron out what she had wanted to say. Her initial plan had been based in anger and fury, emotions egged on by the rants of her friends. They meant well, her girls did. They had done their part of the bargain of blindly supporting her and defaming the memory of her enemies. That's what friends were for.

But somewhere between Cleveland Ave and Union, she had come to realize that she was beyond the anger now. Sure, there was still some hurt at the foundation, but that was expected. That would fade… slowly, and then the melody would change. She had come here ready to face the next stage.

Lois lifted her head again. "I came here to tell you that you were right about us… about everything."

"You… you did?"

Once upon a time she thought his confusion was adorable, now it just irked her. She nodded. "We did move fast – really fast for a one month relationship. On the surface we _are_ opposites, and yes, there _is_ the question of if what we have – I mean, if what we _had_ could exist outside of these four walls…"

She met his questioning gaze. "We fell too fast for it to be believable."

Lois's brow narrowed slightly when his gaze darted from hers. "I was wrong about a lot of things," she told him. "Namely…"

She looked around the room and then moved to stand near his bookshelf. "…When I stood right here, in this spot, and let you crush me with line after line of reasons… and like some kick bag, I just took it. Like I was popping back up each time; ready for another hit."

Lois turned away from him and started studying the titles of the books lining the shelves, even though she could have found any one of them by memory. "I never said anything back, never defended myself…"

Never defended us, she finished silently.

"That was wrong. But let me tell you where _you_ were wrong." She spun to face him again. You said that you were saving our friendship, but the truth is that you didn't – you couldn't. Our _friendship_," she practically spat out the word in contempt. "…is ruined."

There was pain in his expression as Clark looked at her from his position near the door. He hadn't moved since she'd walked in. "You don't mean that."

Lois internally scoffed at his naivety. "You asked me to walk away, Clark. To quit." Her vision was blurring slightly, but she refused to allow the presence of tears to cause her voice to hitch. "And I have been trying like hell to prove to myself that I felt the same way you did, but I can't… because I don't."

Again, he took on that confused expression. She could almost hear his thoughts. What was it that she didn't feel? "I don't want to love you," she answered his silent inquiry. "But I do."

Lois had come to the realization that denying that powerful emotion would have meant denying her true self. So she had stopped with the denial. Not that it made it any easier to handle. "And I just can't walk away from that. So, no, we can't go back to being friends. It's too late. And you know it."

Lois watched him silently; feeling the moment one of those shivering drops of salty water slipped over her eyelid and began crawling down her cheek. If you couldn't go back, and you couldn't go forward, where did that leave you?

His lack of response was unnerving to her, and that, mixed with her current emotional state was like a Molotov cocktail of vulnerability. She rushed across the room and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Am I unloveable?"

She peered into his eyes and moved a hand to the side of his jaw. He didn't flinch. "Show me," she pleaded, moving her body closer to his, and tucking her face into his neck.

Just as she felt his arms start to move, finally breaking the statuesque-like pose he had been keeping, she released him and shot backwards. She covered her face with her hands. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to apologize…" His voice was husky and it drove home what she had just done – almost done.

"I wasn't apologizing to you," she fired back with narrowed eyes. "I was talking to myself," she scoffed. "I can't believe I'm acting like this. Everything is just so messed up."

She wrapped her arms around herself and glared at him. "What I should be doing is taking all of my anger and hurt out on you…"

Not remembering why I loved you in the first place, she thought.

Clark nodded, as if agreeing with her, and she shook her head. This time, she was the one who was confused. "I don't understand, Clark… Why?"

She could see that he was avoiding her eyes. "I can't be what you want me to."

Her confusion only deepened. "When have I ever asked you to be anything?"

He finally met her gaze and the condescending look he gave her ignited a spark of anger. "Everyone wants something, Lois. Even you."

She bit it back on her anger, knowing that the rollercoaster of emotions would only spin out of control if she gave in. Their eyes dueled in an implicit sword fight. "You're right," she stated.

Her lips curled into a smirk as his expression became relieved. Her answer had made him feel justified in his actions and that angered her even more. She took a step closer to him. "So, let's get to the bottom of this. What was it that I wanted from you was too much to bear? What was it that I wanted you to be?"

"Stoic?" She poked his shoulder. "You seem to be doing very well with that right about now." She poked his chest. "Secretive?" She frowned at him. "I am not La… I have _never_ even asked…" She bit back whatever she had been about to say. She didn't want to go there.

"So, what then?" She threw her hands in the air. "Present? Prompt? Faithful? I've put up with all of your excuses and never once did I suspect…" Her words trailed off and her eyes widened as she finally came upon an answer. Diana.

Her heart dropped from her chest and onto the floor. "Oh."

She could almost see the apology in Clark's eyes as his mind raced to the conclusion she had drawn. "No. Never. I wouldn't, Lois. She's not even… Fearless. I couldn't be fearless."

Lois was unsure of what to feel or think at that point. His words were contradicting what he had led her to believe. "Fearless? You don't think that I was afraid? You don't think that I'm afraid right now? You want to know what I wanted, no – what I _needed_ you to be, Smallville?"

She looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. "A man." She frowned as his shoulders drooped. What was his problem? Why didn't he say something?

"Everyone has fears – it's what you do in the face of those fears that determines what kind of person you are… what kind of _man_ you are." She had been afraid – and she had come here… to him.

Lois sighed heavily when he still didn't reply. "You asked me not to love you, and I tried, believe me, I tried – but it's too late. And as much as you would like to convince me otherwise, I don't believe that you can just 'lose' love." She waited. "Do you?"

This was it. What did she want? What did he want? This was what the bars referred to as the Last Call.

"Listen, every relationship has a breaking point. Either it cracks apart or it gets welded over and becomes stronger." Another pause. "Are we stronger?"

Her hands itched to touch him again, to bring his silence to an end and make him see her- _really see_ her. "Do we get to use our one-time-idiot passes and try again?"

The one-time-idiot pass would allow him to renege on the stupid break-up ploy he had pulled. She could then use her pass to cancel the fact that she had asked him to marry her.

Too late. Too fast.

They stood there for a lingering moment, staring into each other's eyes without speaking. For the first time, she couldn't read his thoughts, and that made her doubt that she had ever been able to read him correctly… and that in turn made her doubt that she had ever read herself correctly. After all, she had a list of things that 'Lois Lane' did and did not do.

Lois Lane did not beg.

And she had already done too much of that already. "Okay." She pulled her gaze from his and nodded. "Okay."

She stepped past him to the door and paused. Looking back, she saw him still standing there, shoulders drooped and head lowered – looking like a fallen hero. She couldn't find it in her heart to say goodbye. It was too late.

Turning back around, she left the apartment and got into the waiting taxi. She wondered if having asked the cabbie to stay had been her unconscious acceptance of how this night would end – with her going home.

She told the driver to step on it. She felt as if she were fleeing the scene of a crime.

Lost in thought and reflection, she was startled when the cabbie informed her that the ride was over. Still in a shell-shocked distant mindset, she paid him for his services and made her way up the walkway to her apartment. As she walked, she dipped her head as her blind search in her purse for her keys became futile. When she looked up again, her breath and her steps came to a halt.

Blinking in surprise, she glanced around, and then back.

He didn't have a car – when he needed one he borrowed hers… or he had, before... She waited.

He stepped closer to her and she studied his eyes. Something flickered there and Lois wondered if she could trust herself to believe what she _might_ have seen.

"How did you get here so fast?" she asked.

He hesitated, licked his lips, stood up straighter - and said, "I flew."  
...

_end_


End file.
